What's this feeling?

Uni's just started for the students here.. Seeing them all running around, being in the company of friends, having a purpose in life... makes me wonder, what am I exactly doing here? at that moment I felt so outcast form this place... had this feeling for the first time but I dunno what it is... it's only when I talked to ppl online today that I realised that this is what lonliness felt like..

lonliness is having no one to share the best and worst in life with, having no one hear you when you shout at the top of your voice, having no one walking beside you on the same path that you're on... never did I understand this feeling till now.. little did I know that I'd find the antidote at the same time..

Dunno if you still remember the agreement we made... that we'd have a time for us this day, every week.. know that you've been trying... trying to listen, trying to understand, trying to care, trying to change..

in this, there're no obligations, no to-do's, no memos, no datelines..
just a desire that we find in us for the fufilment of what we need...

Thank you O'Lord, for Your guidance...

Out of the Pot, into the Fire...

The Test's over! and thankfully I'm able to advance to the next module with decent grades =)
Been kinda 'celebrating' the past week... heez..

Right after the test on Thursday, we went to a mexican restaurant in the Kaiserplatz (kinda like the town's centre).. as always, I've pondered long on which dish to order and I ordered the Benitos in the end.. actually wanted a burger or something cos think it's be more filling.. but I later came to realise that the other dish that my classmates ordered is so much bigger! I'm gonna try that the next time I go there.. haha... anyways, it was a nice gathering with the class at the end of the module... the class of about 14 at the start is left with only about 8 now... and 1 more will be leaving us after the first module.. hope that these friendships in the Sprachekurs will last for a long long time =) 

And on Friday, it's a Holiday! The Germans are celebrating their Day of Unification on this day and I decided to tag along with my classmates to Düsseldorf... one of whom is leaving for The Americas from Düsseldorf... and I'm kinda tagging along with Ro Yu and her friend, Allen, who's also from Taiwan =)

However, as it's a public holiday, the shops are all closed so we're left with the options to walk around and visit the restaurants.. hehe.. but anyways, we still visited the Japanese Village, the Rhine River, the shopping street and the Altstadt =)

We came across this Chocolate shop at the shopping street and decided that we should try out some of their cakes cos they just look sooo great =) but it's expensive too.. haha...

So Ro Yu ordered the Apfelkuchen and we shared it =) heez.. needless to say, it's the best Apfelkuchen I've ever had =) it just went perfectly with the ice-cream and whipped cream that came with it... and as I tried the cream on it's own, it tasted like no other cream I've tasted.. you can actually taste the milk and it's just so concentrated with milk and it's just so smooth... you've gotta try it... haha...

         

At the Altstadt, we had pizza for lunch.. and of course, we've gotta try out the Alt bier in Düsseldorf! It's been said that it's the best Alt bier you'll ever taste =) Indeed, it tastes great! There's a slightly bitter taste to it, but yet, it's fragrant at the same time =) Schmeck Gut! =) it's a MUST TRY if you do come here =) not forgetting the pizza too! but the Alt bier at the pizza place ain't that great though... gotta try those at the Bars =)

We went to Köln after we're done in Düsseldorf... walked around the city a bit and soon it was time for dinner! but we've kinda had a tough time deciding on what to eat... but in the end we've found ourselves a place at a restaurant which serves Schweine Haxe (pork knuckles) a lower price than other restaurants and we settled down there.. however, the food ain't that great.. neither is the Kölsch, which is supposed to be the best beer in Town.. but well, we've still had our fill =)

 Thought I'd be able to catch a glimpse of the night view of Köln's Cathedral but to my disappointment, they did not light it up as they did in the photos we get to see online.. well, too bad.. but nonetheless, it still exudes it's own beauty in the cover of the night =)

Well, that sorta summarises the trip... I'm too lazy to post more photos of the trip here.. haha.. anyways, you know where to find the rest of the photos =)

No? Click here then =)

Well, hope to be able to visit more places next time =) will be going to Erlangen to meet other singaporeans later in October so it's gonna be exciting =)

But well,  feels that it's only on trips like this that can make me feel that I'm not alone here... that there're people here whom I can share these wonderful experiences with... I'd not been able to enjoy myself so much if not for the company.. Thank you!!! =)

As for those who can't physically be here, thank you too for your many many concerns and asking how I'm settling down here.. thank you all for your prayers and encouragements... indeed, God has blessed me with many many people here to help me settle down and arranging the many 'coincidences' with people and events...

But somehow, even though I know that it's God's hands working in all these, I'm still not able to feel the joy within me.. I'm still not able to offer the praises of thanksgivings to Him..

Is this just another need I create for myself? It just feels that whenever I overcome, I fall harder again... how long will this go on? when will I finally find rest? will there ever be someone who can share my burden? maybe this journey is meant to be lonely, and that whatever company I get is nothing but a luxury...

Can you see the tear behind the smile? Do you even want to look? Can you hear the sorrow in the laughter?  Do you even want to listen? Do you know who am I? Do you even want to know?

Finally...

I've found peace with myself today...
Finally... Finally...

After all that You've put me through Lord...
Finally.... Finally...

Like a Fallen City,
Like a Deposed King,
Like a Defeated Soldier,
Like a Child with Broken arms,
Like a Poem without Words,
Like a Song without Lyrics,
Like a Violin without Strings,
I'm coming back to your presence O'Lord...
For it is only You who can heal my wounds and cure my aches...
For it's only You who can fill this emptiness in me...

Finally... Finally...

The Ever Changing Constant...

Hi Everyone =) here comes my first official update about my life here in Deutschland (a.k.a. Germany)

Firstly, thank you all who came to the airport to send me off in the wee hours of the 21st August. The moment I crossed those gates, I know that everything in my life will not be the same anymore. But we just gotta admit that the only constant in life, is change. yeah?

Spent most of the time on the plane sleeping and flipping through the letters and pages that contained so much love and care =) I've never felt so alone, but neither have I ever felt so comforted and loved =) But well, as I was sitting on the aisle, the couple sitting nearer the window has to occasionally climb over me to get out of their seat (cos I was sleeping most of the time yeah? heez).

Well, anyways, everything went well. Got through the checkpoints without any problems. After alighting, I took the train from Frankfurt to Köln. Met a guy on the train, Ralf. I was kinda taking a walk through the cabins when I met him at one of the connectors. He had a cup and a bottle of wine in his hand, which he gladly offered to me. And to which, I gladly accepted =) hehe.. It's his birthday that day too. nice =)

Anyhow, we've reached Köln and I parted my ways with Ralf. Chen Yun went to pick me up but got delayed by the train. By the time we reached Aachen, it's almost 12AM alr. Feels nice being back here where I was a year ago. Back in the same building. This time round, however, I've got my own room =) Nice small room with a Bathroom, cupboard, kitchen, tables, chairs, and of course, a bed. I just made the bed and went to sleep as soon as I can. Cos I know I can't handle the silence of the night, reminding me that all that was there, isn't there anymore. I can't do it, not yet.

The next day, I met up with the Koh's who invited me over for a nice lunch =) Chen Ning was there at the Bahnhof to pick me up. After lunch, Siew Boon showed me around town, bringing her daughter, Lyn along =) Lyn's only about a year old. Seeing the way she smiles, you know that she is always having a fun time =) of course, there're times when she throws tantrums but yet, she's still so adorable when she does that =) hehe..

Well, over the next few days I went around town settling the administrations. Chen Yun drove us to the Ikea in The Netherlands, which is very near where I stayed, and I got some stuffs there, at a discount.. haha.. cos they're clearing the old store in preparation to move into the new one. However, as you can expect, the queue is very long. That, however, did not put us off.. know why? cos they distribute sweets and cookies (yes! cookies!) to everyone in the queue. So, even though the waiting was long, it's not as grueling as it'd be..

Coincidentally, there's a Singaporean who's leaving Aachen for Mannheim to complete his thesis. So he generously donated his utensils and stuffs to me, not forgetting the Vacuum cleaner too! =)

So you can kinda say that I've got to settle down here quite quickly=)

Anyhow, school started a week after I arrived here.. And here, I cycle to school everyday =) first, cos transportation here's quite expensive. Next, it's kinda a good way for me to keep fit too =) hehe.. and also not feel that guilty for binging on food too =)

A normal day would see me leave home at 8.30AM and get home by 1PM.. and after I got my internet, I just got hooked on MSN... hehe... cos that's where I can talk to friends =) not that I don't have any friends here but guess it's still gonna take some time for us to warm up to each other..

So far, there're 2 more happening weekends. One which was with the Bible-study group I'm joining here in Aachen. They just decided to cook some dishes for everyone to celebrate Mid-autumn in Deutschland... feels great to be eating all the chinese food again =)

Another was at this carnival where they had stages set up in diferent areas of the town and there'd be live band performances.. Went with 2 of the classmates whom I'm closer with, and they were great company =) we went to take a ride on the ferry's wheel and the view was just magnificent =) being able to see the church from another angle is just breath taking =) after that we went for some drinks and also to end off the meeting with a nice chat =)

Well, it's been more than a month here now already... feels that I could do much more with my life... I know that this is the best time to go travel around but I dun have the desire to go plan something... I know the next weekend's gonna be a good chance but I've got a test on Thursday to prepare for in the first place.. hai.. guess I'm just giving myself excuses... haha..

It's going into Autumn from summer now... the weather's markedly colder than as compared to 2 weeks back.. the trees right outside my window which used to have healthy green leaves are starting to turn yellow... feels like the trees are embracing themselves for a new life to come... one where there'd be no more warmth, no more light... but within them, there lies a desire to look forward to the next summer to come... where they can once again reveal to people their lustrous beauty and glamour... just hang in there with me yeah? I know that this wouldn't be easy for us.. but I hope that the smiles that we bring each other, and the memories that we both share, will be enough to see us through this winter... At the end of the day, I'm glad that you're the one that I'm going through all these with =) Be strong and persevere... I'll be there with you till the very end...

Living a life Beyond

Hello!

I've painstakenly put up most of the photos I've taken with you guys here on this site so help yourselves to it here!

Thanks Samantha, my dear Xiao Mei, for the idea =)=) hehe.. got the inspiration from your blog :p

Well, I'm not really in the mood to write a new post so keep yourselves entertained with the photos first ba =)

Tschüß!

A Little Bit of Everything, A Little piece of Heaven

Hello everybody! I'm back after a loooong break from this =)

Well anyways, guess this is the first blog in almost 4 mths and it feels like there's soooooo much to update, so I'll just do the minimum.. hehe... So buckle your seat belts! It's gonna be a loooong ride =)

LiShi Camp
The first ever LiShi Camp!! So glad that I'm part of this =) felt great to be able to 'hang-out' with ppl we don't normally talk to in church... Think the planning committee did a great job in organising the activities and making it a point to 'force' us to interact with everyone at the camp =)

Thai Missions Trip
It's technically my 2nd time going to Thailand with the church but it's my first mission trip there though cos the previous time's just kinda a recce trip so we didn't reach out to the ppl there... but this time's different! we're actually there to teach the kids english, organise camps, provide medical support, and nonetheless, spread the gospel through the village evangelisms =)

Loved my class of P5s at Nong Kae... they are just sooo adorable! especially Sai, my fav gal ;P

but anyways, think cos they've not experienced the city life before, they're contented with what they have.. there's not much entertainment there as you'd expect but they still enjoy the simple life they lead... In them, I see the goodness in the simplicity of life... there's just so much less to worry about when you are away from the numerous 'needs' and 'wants' that are ever so prevailent in the modern city...

God provided us great support from the church members too... they are humble in all that they do and very fun people too =) gonna miss all of them... someday I'll be back =)

Congress in Statistics and Probability
This is a 1 week long event held at NUS in July... thought I'd want to figure out what I can do with stats and prob which is why I signed up in this event... little did I know that it's actually an event for PHD students and professors in this field.. but well, it's good to do some networking too eh? hehe... you can say that I don't understand almost all of the lectures that were presented.. haha.. but the $200 I paid didn't really go to waste cos there were 2 BIG reception dinners at the start of the event where they served great food and drinks =) that's where you get to taste the best of singapore food =) the lunches and tea-breaks are also very well provided for... so if there's anything for me to take away from this conference, it's the food ;) haha..

At the end of the event, I sorta tagged along a Jap student and a prof cos they wanted to see the Merlion at Sentosa... Brought them to have lunch at a place that's uniquely singapore, the Kopitiam =) Ordered Tom Yam noodles, Bak Kut Teh, Dumplings, Roasted pork rice, Fried Kway Teow, Teh Chino and stuffs =) guess those are things that they don't usually get to eat yeah? 

In Search of Grace
It's a long time preparing for this event but think Gabrielle did a great job in bringing everything together in this event =) first was the song selection to go with the idea of the 4 Spiritual Laws.. then was the numerous reehearsals to get each individual song in shape... it wasn't an easy feat cos we usually hold our practices on thursdays, where En Li and Vivian have to go for Discipleship class... but well, guess it's always the dinner after practice that we look forward to =) hehe.. anyways, once again, Gabrielle did a great job in putting up the slides... guess she spent lots of her time outside her work to find the pics and stuffs.. not to mention the clip in the middle of the presentation which depicted the life of Jesus during His ministry..

At the end of the day, think it all went well though there were some glitches and imperfections during the actual presentation, we can only say that it's only be the grace of God that we are able to present the gospel in this way... And I know that we gave nothing less than our best during that day... who knows, the seed that we sowed this day may 1 day grow into a big tree which provides a shade for us instead =)

AOB
Well, that's about all the major events that's happened thus far... But emotionally wise, it's been a great roller-coaster ride... In the lead up to my departure for Germany, there's lotsa meet-ups with lotsa friends, and not to forget, family too =)

I just want to do what I can for the ppl around me when I'm at least physically around.. but I guess sometimes, I neglected my family quite a bit... tried to make it up in the last few days before my departure and thankfully, it'd not be possible if my mum didn't take her off days... she helped a lot in packing the stuffs into the bag and weighing them, making sure that the bag doesn't exceed the 30kgs given to me... and daddy brought me on numerous trips to Sim Lim for computer accessories which always ended up with us making more trips there... 

Thank you daddy & mummy for being my support all these while... Know it's difficult for you to let go but you just kept silent and supported me in all my preparations... thank you so much =)

And to my 2 big sis, thanks for making life at home so colourful =) and also for the inflight-entertainment that you've got me =) thanks for bringing me blessings from everyone =)

And to God, thank You so much for knitting our family so close together through this.. through this, You let us know how to rely upon You more... through this, we know that you are the Head of the house and may we be ever loving and ever caring in this family...

To all my friends whom I managed to meet up, thanks for your time.. the Army guys, 04S21, SFC, mission trippers, samantha, mengsy, mei yi, yuan tying, jun yong, li juan, fiona, may, jian en, xiao en, sharon, zhi jing, songxuan, CG17, and many many church ppl =) appreciate all the support and blessings from you guys =)

To my friends, whom I didn't manage to meet up, I should be back within the coming year. So, if God willing, we'll meet then =) 

To Pastor LiXin, thanks for the many many great advice that you've given... you have indeed been a great mentor to Us... thank you so much =)

"O'Lord, into your hands I lift my friends and my loved ones.
That You may watch over them each and every part of the day,
and that You may keep them safe each and every step of the way.
To Your's be the Glory, forever and ever.Amen."

Seeing the GOODs in life

It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world -Chaos theory-

Indeed, there are many times in life when I keep asking if something could've been better done in my life... the answer will always be a "yes"... it's inevitable that we have such regrets in our lives every now and then...

But in the recent turn of events, I'm beginning to realise how blessed I am... all these seemingly "regrets" in my life, turned out to be something that paved the way to where I am now, and how things are around me. But now I find myself lacking in sth all these while... to be able to see the GOOD things in life...

sometimes we keep preparing for the worst, so much so that when we're blessed with the best of things in life, we don't know how to appreciate or hold on to it...

Just gotta start somewhere yeah?

I'm just so glad that we've got our moments to hold on to...