it's weird, how reading your blog actually made me feel so 'real' again.. can't really put it down in words though.. studying in a land so far away, cycling 120km in half a day, experiencing the snowing here.. all these feel so mediocre and minute as compared to hearing from you again..

I want to leave all these things behind me.. but maybe out of my youthful passions, I've given much more than I could have.. will our paths ever cross each other again? what will happen then?

there's no way I'm going back there again, but a part of me is still lingering... it's not up to me, it really isn't.. but nothing could make me feel so 'real' and 'alive'..

Selfish but true,
now I just need someone to pull me through.
More often than not,
is this memory too hard to be forgot.
Good, were the times gone by,
but at least we still did give it a try.
Once and for all,
just let it go, and let it fall...

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." 

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. 
  But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 

 The man said, 
  "This is now bone of my bones 
  and flesh of my flesh; 
  she shall be called 'woman,' 

  for she was taken out of man."

Genesis 2:18-23

I was in church one Sunday...
the service started out as usual with singspirations...
and the church choir presented a song unto the Lord thereafter...

It was the Sunday after the 'Marriage Conference' that the church held...
the pastor walked to the front, and invited all the married couples upfront...
each of the man is to present a rose to his partner...

It was such a beautiful scene...
tears started rolling down my cheeks...

tears of Joy for the couples? tears of envy? tears of sadness?

I don't know...

All I know is, marriage is not just a matter of the heart...

Time and time again, I thought that Love could surpass everything... 
I tried to live by that...
only to find out what a fool I am, with this wishful thinking...
for I'm the only one who believes in that...

Say no more... Feel no more... Do no more... Think no more...

this Valentines day will just be another Feburary the 14th...
a day on the calander...
a day when Lovers reconcile...
a day when Couples rekindle their love...
a day when the Singles remind themselves of their lonliness...

how easy it is to fall in love and yet not be in love...
but how then can I rid myself of this thorn?
for if hate can only be driven out by Love,
then, will hate, be the only remedy for the Lovelorn?

Alles Gut, Endes Gut

It's the start of 2009, and needless to say, an end to 2008...

2008, a year that so many things happened for so many of us... guess 2008's also a turning point in my life...

well, 2008 kinda started with a burst of emotions, with so many things bringing us together.. when I broke the silence, it was when the waves of highs and lows started to pour in...

so many times I've hoped for an answer... so long I've waited... even till the day I left for this foreign land...

I've given my all, I've done what I could... maybe it's just not meant to be, maybe not yet... I know, you've done what you could too... but at least for now, I know that I'm not someone you need right now... 

But at the end of the day, I really thank God that we came out of this with a better friendship than that which we had before... that finally, the pressure is lifted off... that finally, there's no more expectations... 

"You don't own her, you can only Love her"
if only I had the heart and determination of the friend who told me this... but there's just so many externalities...

at the end of the day, can you feed yourself with Love? I don't even know what I'm gonna do for a living for crying out loud... what else can I give? make a starving wife out of the poverty I'm in?

sad but true, that's the reality of life... I've tried the irrational side of Love, and guess what? wake up and smell the coffee! Leave the "Happily ever afters" to the fairytales....

okay.. sounds like I'm pissed off right? well, not really.. it's kinda the things that we have to learn sometime in our lives... but as we've said before, "Glad it was with you that I went through this with =)

it's 2009 and I'm leaving the rest of this Fairytale to God to write (and yes, I still do believe in a Fairytale ending =))... whether or not Cinderella will turn up, it's still too early to tell... as for now, we've gotta first get Prince Charming his White horse to get him on the way =)

still struggling with Uni applications, at least with a bit of progress..

Attended a new church, which so happens to be nearby my place too.. it's an international church but most of the people there are Africans.. we all know their passion for music and it's just great to be part of their praise and worship..

School's starting again tomorrow... don't know what to expect... 

2009's sure gonna be another whole different year... let's wait and see...

Through the eyes of a child...

Hello!! wondering what I've been doing the past few weeks? heez... I've just experienced the first Snowfall in my life!! yeah!! haha.. Having lotsa fun with the classmates here.. going to the Christmas market here ever so often but never bored out by it cos there's always food to eat!! haha... well, the pictures are updated at the photoblog so feel free to check it out =)

starting to get lotsa homework to do also though... well, cos there're also ppl in the class who want to go back to their countries earlier we're gonna have the exam earlier...

Just for the record, I'll be going back to Singapore this December!! from the 12th till the 30th... so catch me then! haha =P

well, the time is getting short to apply for the school of my choice... think I'll just try to apply for all the Universities with the subjects I'm interested in first... at least that pushes my decision making-process back by another half a year or so.. haha...

well, everything in life is just so complicated ain't it? so many things to consider, so many causes, so many effects... 

If only the world was much simpler... If the word 'Love' only contained these 4 letters...

afraid to move forward, yet at the same time, afraid to give up... fear, as we call it...

maybe there are indeed times when we try too hard... maybe there are times when, indeed, our best is not enough, or in someways, too much.. something so simple yet seemingly so complicated...

Why did we make it so hard? this life is so complicated until we see it through the eyes of a child...

Land away from land; home away from home

Hello everyone!

Part of the updates this time will be here instead =) go take a look ba!
http://www.ssag.de/index.php?text_cat=activities&text_cont=klw08

Well, I'm into my 3rd module in the Deutschkurs now...
Still trying to figure out what I what I want to do in the future..
Thinking of things that are beyond my control...

Just had another of the 'can't get out of my own dream' kinda dream.. kinda scary though.. think maybe this could be what coma patients go through... which is why they really need the will to want to even wake up from a dream they know they are in...

I fought on.. after trying to wake up for the upteenth time, I finally came back to this world...

It's the 2nd of this kinda dream that I've had...
Kinda left some things on a bad note before I went to sleep last night..
once again, we learn to treasure everyday of our lives... the people, and the things which make it special...

There will NOT always be another day to love...
There will NOT always be another day to make things right...

Imagine a day when someone's not there anymore.. what difference will that make for you?

What's this feeling?

Uni's just started for the students here.. Seeing them all running around, being in the company of friends, having a purpose in life... makes me wonder, what am I exactly doing here? at that moment I felt so outcast form this place... had this feeling for the first time but I dunno what it is... it's only when I talked to ppl online today that I realised that this is what lonliness felt like..

lonliness is having no one to share the best and worst in life with, having no one hear you when you shout at the top of your voice, having no one walking beside you on the same path that you're on... never did I understand this feeling till now.. little did I know that I'd find the antidote at the same time..

Dunno if you still remember the agreement we made... that we'd have a time for us this day, every week.. know that you've been trying... trying to listen, trying to understand, trying to care, trying to change..

in this, there're no obligations, no to-do's, no memos, no datelines..
just a desire that we find in us for the fufilment of what we need...

Thank you O'Lord, for Your guidance...

Out of the Pot, into the Fire...

The Test's over! and thankfully I'm able to advance to the next module with decent grades =)
Been kinda 'celebrating' the past week... heez..

Right after the test on Thursday, we went to a mexican restaurant in the Kaiserplatz (kinda like the town's centre).. as always, I've pondered long on which dish to order and I ordered the Benitos in the end.. actually wanted a burger or something cos think it's be more filling.. but I later came to realise that the other dish that my classmates ordered is so much bigger! I'm gonna try that the next time I go there.. haha... anyways, it was a nice gathering with the class at the end of the module... the class of about 14 at the start is left with only about 8 now... and 1 more will be leaving us after the first module.. hope that these friendships in the Sprachekurs will last for a long long time =) 

And on Friday, it's a Holiday! The Germans are celebrating their Day of Unification on this day and I decided to tag along with my classmates to Düsseldorf... one of whom is leaving for The Americas from Düsseldorf... and I'm kinda tagging along with Ro Yu and her friend, Allen, who's also from Taiwan =)

However, as it's a public holiday, the shops are all closed so we're left with the options to walk around and visit the restaurants.. hehe.. but anyways, we still visited the Japanese Village, the Rhine River, the shopping street and the Altstadt =)

We came across this Chocolate shop at the shopping street and decided that we should try out some of their cakes cos they just look sooo great =) but it's expensive too.. haha...

So Ro Yu ordered the Apfelkuchen and we shared it =) heez.. needless to say, it's the best Apfelkuchen I've ever had =) it just went perfectly with the ice-cream and whipped cream that came with it... and as I tried the cream on it's own, it tasted like no other cream I've tasted.. you can actually taste the milk and it's just so concentrated with milk and it's just so smooth... you've gotta try it... haha...

         

At the Altstadt, we had pizza for lunch.. and of course, we've gotta try out the Alt bier in Düsseldorf! It's been said that it's the best Alt bier you'll ever taste =) Indeed, it tastes great! There's a slightly bitter taste to it, but yet, it's fragrant at the same time =) Schmeck Gut! =) it's a MUST TRY if you do come here =) not forgetting the pizza too! but the Alt bier at the pizza place ain't that great though... gotta try those at the Bars =)

We went to Köln after we're done in Düsseldorf... walked around the city a bit and soon it was time for dinner! but we've kinda had a tough time deciding on what to eat... but in the end we've found ourselves a place at a restaurant which serves Schweine Haxe (pork knuckles) a lower price than other restaurants and we settled down there.. however, the food ain't that great.. neither is the Kölsch, which is supposed to be the best beer in Town.. but well, we've still had our fill =)

 Thought I'd be able to catch a glimpse of the night view of Köln's Cathedral but to my disappointment, they did not light it up as they did in the photos we get to see online.. well, too bad.. but nonetheless, it still exudes it's own beauty in the cover of the night =)

Well, that sorta summarises the trip... I'm too lazy to post more photos of the trip here.. haha.. anyways, you know where to find the rest of the photos =)

No? Click here then =)

Well, hope to be able to visit more places next time =) will be going to Erlangen to meet other singaporeans later in October so it's gonna be exciting =)

But well,  feels that it's only on trips like this that can make me feel that I'm not alone here... that there're people here whom I can share these wonderful experiences with... I'd not been able to enjoy myself so much if not for the company.. Thank you!!! =)

As for those who can't physically be here, thank you too for your many many concerns and asking how I'm settling down here.. thank you all for your prayers and encouragements... indeed, God has blessed me with many many people here to help me settle down and arranging the many 'coincidences' with people and events...

But somehow, even though I know that it's God's hands working in all these, I'm still not able to feel the joy within me.. I'm still not able to offer the praises of thanksgivings to Him..

Is this just another need I create for myself? It just feels that whenever I overcome, I fall harder again... how long will this go on? when will I finally find rest? will there ever be someone who can share my burden? maybe this journey is meant to be lonely, and that whatever company I get is nothing but a luxury...

Can you see the tear behind the smile? Do you even want to look? Can you hear the sorrow in the laughter?  Do you even want to listen? Do you know who am I? Do you even want to know?